Give A Wham Give A Bam But Don't Give A Damn

I had the most shittest day at work that I can remember in a long, long time. Basically I've been working on something for about two weeks now, finished it off and sent it to someone else to work on and then half an hour later someone called me and told me she'd undone a lot of the work that I'd been doing which I then spent the next FOUR AND A HALF HOURS having to redo and correct. She was crying on the phone when she told me so of course I couldn't shout at her which I really wanted to do so instead I bottled it all up and almost fainted/cried.

This week I watched Drop The Dead Donkey series 3 on DVD again which is the series that has all the classic "Gusisms" in it. So in honour of my crappy day I changed my MSN handle to 'Hazey- head/desk interface repeated motion situation' and present to you the following corporate bollockspeak from Gus, which insported my name change:

- Are we sniffing round the bottoms of the opposition?
- I'd just like you to stir-fry something in my think-wok.
- Morning hotshots! Are we cooking with napalm? You bet!
- There is just something I'd like to pop into your perculator, see if it comes out brown.
- We do rather appear to have an ongoing underwear entanglement situation...
- We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload.
- Could we interlock brain spaces in my work area?
- Coach, if I could input into your mental mainframe for a moment...
- Morning talent base! Are the afterburners on full thrust? You bet!
- Yes, well, publicity-wise this is a rather regrettable gonads in the guilotine situation.
- We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy.
- Jill, could you come for a brief scuba in my think tank?
- Helen, if I could just park in your mental multi-storey a moment...
- You see, when it comes to sexual interfacing with the female gender group, I've always been caution-orientated due to ongoing problems of an adaptive nature regarding the gooiness factor on the physical front.
- Let's opperate a zipped-lip scenario on this one.
- Sorry, Helen, had a bit of a composure shortfall earlier.
- George, can we pool our brainspaces in a centre of excellence?
- I'm in major cellular rejuvination mode, fast tracking my way to eternal biological viability.
- From now on I'm going to employ relaxation techniques to turn off stress river and mosey gently down contentment creek.
- Problems are just the pregnant mothers of solutions.
- Today is tomorrow's tadpole of opportunity.
- I feel a very real sense that we ought to be wary of running any unsubstansiated stories if we're to avoid a faeces and fan situation.
- Yes, well, I sense we may be straying down tangent boulevard here.
- We all need to go on a forgivness curve.
- Look, Henry, if it's any help, I do have a sleep area over capacity situation.
- Look out Mummy, the snake wants a reproductive interface.
- The three of us can go back and get into some real pro active recreational interfacing...
- It's an anti verminous defecation deterrent. ("It's to stop pigeons crapping on the building")