Born Of Frustration

Scenario: friend at work (lets call her Leprechaun) asks me to install something on her new PC. It doesn't go right and I don't know enough so I have to contact the support team for the application. To cut a very long story short someone from the sub-continent tries to fix it for over 90 minutes with no luck and totally fed up so I call the guy.

Me: Hello is that XXX?
XXX: Hello? Hello?
Me: Hello this is Hazey
XXX: Hello? Hello?
Me: Am I speaking with XXX?
XXX: Yes this is XXX.
Me: So hi, I'm Hazey Jane, I need to know how much longer this going to take
XXX: Oh, is this Hazey Jane?
Me: Yes this is Hazey- let me just conference Leprechaun on the phone
***Leprechaun comes on the phone too and I am shocked that XXX is still on the phone***
Me: So is application installed?
XXX: Yes
Me: And does it work?
XXX: Yes
Me: okay let me try it
***I'd already seen the errors and knew it would not work. Point being he told me it did***
Me: It does not work. Can you get it fixed tonight?
XXX: I deinstalled then reinstalled.... hello?
Me: Yes- we're still here keep going...
XXX: I deinstalled then reinstalled.... hello?
Me: Yes- we're still here can you please keep going?
***You can already here Leprechaun getting huffy***
XXX: We have this problem (starts rambling on- you can barely understand the guy. I have no difficulty at all with accents but his grasp of english is just so poor I can understand my 4 year old sister better with her baby voice on the phone)
Me: Right well we need this to be fixed tonight. Can you do that for us?
XXX: errrr... shuey, shuey (rambling starts)
Me: Excuse me?
XXX: Someone in Europe had this problem yesterday too
Me: Okay but we need this to be fixed on this PC today.
Leprechaun: Look I need this this weekend- what can be done?
Me: What do you need from me to be able to get this done this weekend, do you need me to talk to your manager?
XXX: Hello.... hello?
Me: Yes, we're still here. Look- is there anything that I can do to help you get this fixed today?
XXX: Tier 2.... tier 2.... you have to log a call with Tier2....
Leprechaun: You need to log a call
XXX gets his colleague YYY to join us who can actually
YYY: Hello this is YYY (couldn't actually hear the name)
Me: Hello- can you fix this issue tonight?
YYY: We deinstalled then reinstalled...
Me: Yes XXX already told me that
YYY: And we need to ask Tier2...
Me: Yes I've heard that. What do I need to do to get this solved tonight?
YYY: Maybe you need to log a call with Tier2?
Me: No, there's no maybe about it. You need to do that and you need to ask them to help us solve this issue tonight
YYY goes away. We sit on the phone- I start trying to ask XXX something
XXX: Hello? Hello?
Me: Yes we're still here. ***I'm clearly getting nowhere and start to think bollocks to this, let's go straight to the manager now but I need the name of YYY***
Me: What's the name of your colleague please?
XXX: Hello?
Me: Yes hello, what is the name of your colleague?
XXX: Er...
Me: What is the name of the man who was just on the phone with us?
***XXX starts rambling and clearly has no clue what I'm asking him. I rack my brains thinking how else can I put this and my voice turns to dangerously soft***
Me: At the moment there is you, me and Leprechaun on the phone. There was someone else on the phone. What is he called?
***Colleagues around me listening in start laughing. I can't believe it either***
Me: We were four people on the phone, at the moment we are three. Who was that other man who was just on the phone?


***Eventually YYY comes back on the phone, he is at least able to tell me his name but can't fix the problem and cannot promise to get it done that day. I decide to get the manager involved, leave him a voicemail asking for a call back which he doesn't but at least he gets someone to fix the problem. I will call manager next week if he doesn't return my voicemail cos I am not letting this one slide. I personally find it totally unacceptable for companies to offshore/outsource jobs to cheap countries and to provide such terrible service back. I mean for fucks sake this eejit could not even understand 'what is the name of your colleague?' when spoken in my native speaker neutral accent. I have no idea how my colleagues in other european countries cope. Actually I do- they don't, they find it worse, they can't even understand the accent.

I call Leprechaun out of exasperation and she promises to buy me some beer ***