Give A Wham Give A Bam But Don't Give A Damn

I had the most shittest day at work that I can remember in a long, long time. Basically I've been working on something for about two weeks now, finished it off and sent it to someone else to work on and then half an hour later someone called me and told me she'd undone a lot of the work that I'd been doing which I then spent the next FOUR AND A HALF HOURS having to redo and correct. She was crying on the phone when she told me so of course I couldn't shout at her which I really wanted to do so instead I bottled it all up and almost fainted/cried.

This week I watched Drop The Dead Donkey series 3 on DVD again which is the series that has all the classic "Gusisms" in it. So in honour of my crappy day I changed my MSN handle to 'Hazey- head/desk interface repeated motion situation' and present to you the following corporate bollockspeak from Gus, which insported my name change:

- Are we sniffing round the bottoms of the opposition?
- I'd just like you to stir-fry something in my think-wok.
- Morning hotshots! Are we cooking with napalm? You bet!
- There is just something I'd like to pop into your perculator, see if it comes out brown.
- We do rather appear to have an ongoing underwear entanglement situation...
- We've got to downsize our sloppiness overload.
- Could we interlock brain spaces in my work area?
- Coach, if I could input into your mental mainframe for a moment...
- Morning talent base! Are the afterburners on full thrust? You bet!
- Yes, well, publicity-wise this is a rather regrettable gonads in the guilotine situation.
- We're merely running our bulletins through the cappucino machine of innovation, see if it comes out frothy.
- Jill, could you come for a brief scuba in my think tank?
- Helen, if I could just park in your mental multi-storey a moment...
- You see, when it comes to sexual interfacing with the female gender group, I've always been caution-orientated due to ongoing problems of an adaptive nature regarding the gooiness factor on the physical front.
- Let's opperate a zipped-lip scenario on this one.
- Sorry, Helen, had a bit of a composure shortfall earlier.
- George, can we pool our brainspaces in a centre of excellence?
- I'm in major cellular rejuvination mode, fast tracking my way to eternal biological viability.
- From now on I'm going to employ relaxation techniques to turn off stress river and mosey gently down contentment creek.
- Problems are just the pregnant mothers of solutions.
- Today is tomorrow's tadpole of opportunity.
- I feel a very real sense that we ought to be wary of running any unsubstansiated stories if we're to avoid a faeces and fan situation.
- Yes, well, I sense we may be straying down tangent boulevard here.
- We all need to go on a forgivness curve.
- Look, Henry, if it's any help, I do have a sleep area over capacity situation.
- Look out Mummy, the snake wants a reproductive interface.
- The three of us can go back and get into some real pro active recreational interfacing...
- It's an anti verminous defecation deterrent. ("It's to stop pigeons crapping on the building")

Woah Woah You've Got The Best Of My Life

Everything feels a bit weird at the moment- sometimes I feel so positive about things and then I get so depressed about others... I seem to be going up and down more often than a yo yo

Bad
- I've not been feeling well the last few days, getting another stupid cold again and feeling totally rundown even though I've got no reason to. Today I felt naseous, faint, shivery and sleepy and fully expected to collapse at some point today. At least that didn't happen.
- A friend of mine is leaving work and I'm sad about that
- I'm sad that tomorrow is Phill Jupitus' last gig on breakfast show on Radio6 (mind you, I still miss Fat Phill's Friday Mixed Grill on good old GLR)
- I really need to start sorting out the paperwork and life decisions that are currently cluttering
- My sleep is disturbed by the people upstairs- the ceiling is so thin above my bedroom I hear them talking and yawning for christsakes. I'm going to have to go up there at some point and kindly ask the knobend up there if he wouldn't mind going into the bathroom/kitchen/living room when he wants to talk to someone else. Thank god I haven't heard them shagging yet

Good
- Curlygirl is coming soon! So is the infamous Heather and her buddies!
- We are hopefully going to get our Glastonbury tickets on Sunday
- My ex-sort-of has got a permanent job at the company I work for and I'm pleased for him and his family.
- I am watching live rugby this weekend
- I should hopefully leave work soon (leaving date should be mid June, need to put it down for the boss and get approval)




I think I'm going to cheer myself up and call my oldest friend and her ickle babby and see how they are

In Other Words

A general newsy type update blog or just some song lyrics?

Ah bollocks, I'm not feeling well at all and I'm going to spend the rest of the night feeling sorry for mysel on the sofa and I can't find the song I actually want to put on here so this will just have to do.


Wayne County and the Electric Chairs
If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby fuck off
If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby fuck off
I ain't got time for yesterday's news
Don't shoot me up with your bullshit blues
If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby fuck off

If you don't want a piece of the action, baby take a walk
If you don't want a piece of the action, baby take a walk
I don't like when you're playing with my knees
You ain't nothing but a prick tease
If you don't want a piece of the action, baby take a walk

If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby fuck off
If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby fuck off
You think that you're hot shit I heard
You ain't nothing but a cold turd
If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby fuck off

If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby baby fuck off
If you don't want to fuck me baby, baby baby fuck off
Baby, baby baby fuck off
Baby, baby baby fuck off
Baby, baby baby fuck off
Baby, baby baby fuck off
Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off baby

In another words, if you ain't got time to talk a walk with me on my meat rack
Then you can just get the hell right out of my breadline
Yeah, fuck off baby

Baby You're The Skywalker To My Luke

This will probably only make sense for the buddys that I was out with last night but here's the Goldie Lookin' Chain video for Your Mother's Got A Penis: http://www.youtube.com/share?v=wAZTLVJSlNw&embed=1


The Goldie Lookin' Chain website is at http://www.youknowsit.co.uk/lowtech/ and it is safe as fuck- go download some tracks and check out the other videos.

You knows it.

Going To A Movie (CONCERT!) Feeling Kind Of Groovy

Having bemoaned the lack of decent live music in my town in recent months I suddenly face the prospect of being totally broke as a load of good gigs have suddently been announced: Tori Amos, The Pet Shop Boys and Ash are all playing here in May.

Even if I have to go on my own I'm definitely going to see Ash, which will be the 5th time I've seen them. And I'll probably hang around afterwards and see if I can kiss Tim Wheeler again ;-)

I would really like to see the Pet Shop Boys and they're playing in a nice small venue with good acoustics so that might be my birthday present to myself. Last Glastonbury I had planned to see Tori Amos but I went to see The Highliners again instead. So we shall have to see on those...

And then there's the fabulous Scissor Sisters and Curylgirl (who is visiting me from England!) is going to come too! Yay!!!!



The internet is still broken at home. Boo.

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

A reader's letter from today's Grauniad newspaper

"What a great game is rugby, and in particular the Six Nations tournament! The French are happy because they won, the Irish are happy because they came ever so close to winning and the English are happy since they beat the French. The Italians are happy because they did better than they had ever done before, the Scots are happy because they gave the French a good run for their money and the Welsh are happy because they beat the old enemy. Why can't other games be more like rugby, leaving everyone happy at the end? Maybe life itself should become more like rugby!
Yiannis Gabriel
Professor of organisational theory,
Royal Holloway,
University of London"


I shall post my own rugby shenanigans on here as soon as the interweb starts working at home again.

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

A reader's letter from today's Grauniad newspaper

"What a great game is rugby, and in particular the Six Nations tournament! The French are happy because they won, the Irish are happy because they came ever so close to winning and the English are happy since they beat the French. The Italians are happy because they did better than they had ever done before, the Scots are happy because they gave the French a good run for their money and the Welsh are happy because they beat the old enemy. Why can't other games be more like rugby, leaving everyone happy at the end? Maybe life itself should become more like rugby!
Yiannis Gabriel
Professor of organisational theory,
Royal Holloway,
University of London"


I shall post my own rugby shenanigans on here as soon as the interweb starts working at home again.

I Want You To Notice, When I'm Not around

When you were here before, couldn't look in your eye
You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice, when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here, ohhh ohhhh

She's running out....
She's running out, she's run, run, run, run....run....

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here




The Richard Cheese version of that is particularly good

All Night, All Night, Alright

Congratulations to no-one, nobody guessed the lyrics . Not surprising really as they were from a song called Hot Sex taken off Vanilla Ice's latest album 'Bi-Polar'. If you want to read the full text (I am not going to copy and paste them here, they are too awful to reproduce) then they're at http://www.vanillaice.com/lyrics/bp13_hotsex.shtml I was in hysterics when I read them and so will you. Probably. Who knew he even still had a record deal? Although I can't really talk, I loved him so much when I was about 12 and I've still got his first two albums- To The Extreme and Extremely Live- on cassette, I just haven't got the heart to throw them away, even if they only get played once every 5 years. And I still know all the words to Ice Ice Baby

I've had a great rugby/pub filled weekend. We had a great training session on Friday although I'm paying for it today- my arms are sore from getting them around our hooker's waist, my shoulders are covered in red marks from hitting the scrum machine and my arse and legs hurt from falling down the stairs going into a bar after training (my shoes were slippy as it had been raining). On Saturday I met up with loads of the girls to go and watch the games and we had a good old blether whilst watching them, particularly regarding the bodily attractiveness and suitability for other physical activities of various players. We taught Nats how to say "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for farting" in German, a very important piece of knowledge I'm sure. If we take this as the most important attribute for rugby then Scotland should not only win the 6 nations tournament but the World Cup.

Then we headed down to the pub again today for the really important game- England v France. The pub was full of people the majority of them supporting France and I did actually expect England to lose. But France was having a bit of an off day and we were able to prove that we can win a game without having to rely on the bland pretty boy Jonny Wilkinson and won 26-18. Brian Ashton bought in a lot of younger players (including a and I have a new rugby hero to replace "my " lovely Jason Robinson when he finally permanently retires from the international scene- Shane Geraghty for his incredible run halfway up the pitch dodging about 7 French players before passing the ball for a Mike Tindall try.



All in all, I feel totally inspired, nervous and excited for our first 15-a-side game on Saturday. I'm sure most of the time. If during the course of this week you see my eyes start to glaze over whilst looking into the distance I am very likely to be daydreaming about rugby (and not Vanilla Ice)

I Can Tell That You And Me Are Going To Be Friends

I'm avoiding the obvious lyrical reference here (I hate that fecking song!) but I've had a brill time being with various friends since I got back from gallivanting around the US

When I got into the office on Monday morning, I got a lovely hug and was greeted with a chorus of "we're so glad you're back!!". It seems that while I was away everything went Pete Tong so it felt nice to be appreciated! First up, gayboy sent me some photos of his recent wedding so I could finally see what his husband looks like! I then spent most of yesterday sitting and working with Gothgirl and catching up with her news, met MsSweden for lunch today- the first time I have seen her in something like a year and it was like we only saw each other yesterday- and disappeared for a natter and diet coke (complete with unintended burping on my side) with Robat.

Tomorrow I will meet Geekboy for coffee who I have not seen in about a billion years, who is also getting over a horrible cold-fluey type thing and Friday means catching up with the rugger girls! I'm so lucky that I have so many lovely friends in my life right now.






Now it's quiz time:

Another friend directed me today to a 'celebrity' website via which their blog. Whilst browsing through the which contains the following, amazing rhyming couplet. Can you guess (without googling) who it is?

"And with my bag of nuts and sack full of tricks
Down for whatever all up in the mix"


Your clue is- lyrical poet. Full answer next posting!

All My Life... Watching America

So now I am back from my holidays (hence no posting for what seems like aaaaaaaaages) I can tell you all about it!

First of all me and the boyf went to San Francisco to see the infamous Heather. We had a great time hanging out with her and played lots with Darwin, her adorable puss cat. We were lucky with the weather and spent a lovely few days wandering around one of my favourite cities- we visited the sealions on Pier 39, ate Ben & Jerry's, shopped and went to the museum of modern art which I really enjoyed. Apparently after we left Darwin went back to being a lazy kitty, lying around on the radiator- we think he was pining for us. Cute!

Then we popped on a plane and headed east to Colorado to hang out with our buddy who lives there. We spent a relaxing few days in the freezing cold playing pool, watching TV, doing more shopping, visited the Garden of the Gods, drove up to South Park (yes, there really is a place called South Park! it's where the creators are from) and had a look around Denver which seems like a really nice place to live.

Next stop- VEGAS! This was our proper holiday bit. We stayed at the New York New York hotel which was really cool and spent our days wandering around the hotels. We went to visit Darwin's near relations at the lion enclosure at the MGM Grand practically every day (I love lions) wandered around Caesar's Palace and the Venetian, went to see Mamma Mia! (which I am sorry to say I was not very impressed with) watched the fountains at the Bellagio, met the infamous Heather who was in town and her friend for dinner one night, at the went up the Stratosphere and got scared absolutely shitless on the drop tower ride thingy they've got at the top, got drunk and wandered around Fremont Street gambling on slot machines, won back more than we gambled and spent it on breakfast in a place 'ein bisschen wie ein Cafeteria in ein Einkaufszentrum' (I started speaking german whilst drunk) and managed to do only a bit of shopping (my lovely new Ben Sherman sweater dress). With parents living in the same state I *have* to go back- I loved it.

Which brings me nicely to the last stop on my tour. I headed upstate to their place to stay with them for a week- I hadn't seen them for about 15 months so really wanted to just be at their place and see them and my two baby sisters for a few days without the boyf and then he came down for a few days at the end.

I'm sure I'll bore you if I talk too much about the 2BS' but just let me indulge for a bit. BS1 is a really chatty energetic little blonde thing although she can be a bit moody. I loved just sitting talking to her and getting to know her, finding out all about her desire to get married when she's not even 4 years old yet. she wants to marry our dad!!!!. I especially loved the way she can't say 'th's in words so when she says mother, it sounds more like 'mudder'.

BS2 is so adorable. She has such a sunny temperament (she obviously gets that from her big sister Hazey!) a gorgeous smile, giggles infectiously and has dark blonde curls like a cherub. Her favourite words are yellow and yelling 'BUH-BYE!' . One day I was dozing off on the sofa resting my head on the boyf and she was climbing all over him and when I opened my eyes her face was about 2 cm away from mine with a huge grin on it. However I am a bit disappointed in her. She loves my boyfriend more than she loves me. He got on really well with her...

We also did a lot of shopping! I was going to put up some photos of my new purchases until I realised that they were almost exclusively pink and blue like so much else in my wardrobe and therefore not that interesting really. The other exciting things I got though were a plug in computer game so you can play Pacman and other 80's arcade games on your TV, Clerks II & A Mighty Wind on DVD as well as some CDs from my favourite store in the whole wide world- Amoeba Records in Haight Ashbury. I am seriously broke this month.



I'll put some cool photos up as soon as the boyf sends me some